A London couple married for 55 years have shared the devastating impact dementia has had on their relationship.
Cynthia and Raymond James have joined famous names including Colin Firth, Richard Madeley and Mary McCartney to mark Alzheimer’s Society’s latest campaign. It aims to highlight the changing nature of intimate relationships following a dementia diagnosis and urges supporters to help reach more people by donating to the cause.
A dementia diagnosis often marks the beginning of a difficult transition from being in an intimate relationship, to becoming a carer and fulfilling the ultimate vow.
Originally from the Caribbean, Raymond and Cynthia married in 1968 at a Fulham church after Raymond proposed following a cinema date.
Raymond was a motor engineer before and part of a steel pan band before being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease in 2017. He now attends an Alzheimer’s Society day centre twice a week to sing, dance, produce art and take part in quizzes.
The 83 year-old said: “Money was tight for us then. Cynthia did her own catering and a friend provided the wedding car. We could not afford to fly her parents over from Trinidad so Cynthia’s brother walked her down the aisle. But at our 25th Wedding Anniversary party Cynthia walked downstairs into the room where her parents stood, wearing her wedding dress, and said that is what she had missed.
“I feel less able to do certain household tasks such as DIY, while Cynthia now deals with all paperwork and telephone calls. But she puts whiteboards around the house with reminders written on them to help me.”
However, Raymond feels more confident travelling alone because of a wristband he can press to alert Cynthia and other relatives if he gets into difficulty. He takes a small bag containing food and water wherever he goes, while Cynthia ties his travel pass to the bag after he once lost it.
Cynthia attends Carers Support network programme run by the charity and admits she noticed worrying symptoms in her husband for several years before seeking a formal diagnosis.
She added: “For five years I was saying to Raymond and our children that something was wrong. He would just sit there like a little child lost, or he would get annoyed for no reason and scream out. He was not the same guy. Raymond acknowledged he was experiencing memory problems but didn’t think they were related to a condition such as dementia.”
There are 79,000 people across the capital living with dementia. Alzheimer’s Society wants to be there for all Londoners, providing help through support services now and hope for the future via research funding.
Jackie Swapp, Alzheimer’s Society Area Manager for London said: “Caring for a partner with dementia is fulfilling the ultimate relationship vow but navigating your way through ‘in sickness and in health’ can be overwhelming. There are almost 80,000 people estimated to be living with dementia across the capital.
“We want to reach more people with our expert support services, fund groundbreaking research discoveries, and be the leading voice campaigning to make dementia the priority it should be. Alzheimer’s Society vows to help end the devastation caused by dementia but we simply can’t reach everyone and that’s why we’re calling on the public to donate, visit alzheimers.org.uk.”
