Imagine this: you’ve been playing it cool, thinking that a little mystery will make you more attractive. But instead of drawing your partner closer, you find them drifting away. It’s frustrating, right? In reality, playing hard to get can backfire, pushing away someone you love. In this article, prepared by the author of Hookup Guru, you’ll explore why you act like that and what you can do when people push you away—because sometimes, the game isn’t worth losing love.
Why do I push people away without realizing It?
You may be asking yourself: why do I push people away without intention? It’s more common than you think, and the reasons are usually tied to our fears or past experiences. Here are a few explanations of why this happens:
Sometimes, when you’ve been hurt in the past, your mind creates an invisible shield. This defense mechanism keeps people at a distance, making sure you don’t get too close and risk being hurt again.
If you don’t feel worthy of love, you might unconsciously push others away, believing that they’ll eventually leave anyway. This can lead to a cycle where you sabotage relationships before they even have a chance to grow.
You might be afraid of putting yourself out there, thinking that the other person will reject you. Instead of risking it, you push them away to protect your own feelings.
Pushing people away can be a way to stay in control of the situation. If you’re always the one pushing, then you’re never at the mercy of someone else leaving you first.
Why do I push away the person I love—can I fix it?
So, why do I push away the person I love? It’s a tough question to answer, but often, it’s related to inner fears and insecurities. Here’s why it happens and what you can do to fix it:
When you get close to someone you love, it opens the door to vulnerability. A study conducted by the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that 17-30% of people experience fear of intimacy in romantic relationships, leading them to push their partners away.
If you’ve experienced bad relationships in the past, you may subconsciously expect this one to fail too. Without meaning to, you end up pushing away the person you love to avoid getting hurt again.
Maybe you’re unsure if the relationship will last or you’re afraid of commitment. This uncertainty can make you distance yourself from someone you love, thinking it’ll lessen the blow if things don’t work out.
Solution:
Understanding why do I push my partner away starts with identifying what triggers these behaviors. Is it fear of intimacy, a past betrayal, or insecurities about the future? Journaling or speaking with a therapist can help you uncover the root causes. Recognizing these triggers is the first step toward managing them.
Often, pushing away a loved one comes from unhelpful beliefs like I’m not good enough or They’ll leave me eventually. Learn to challenge these negative thoughts. Ask yourself: Is there evidence for this belief? Instead of letting fears control your actions, replace them with more balanced, realistic thinking.
Often people say: I pushed away the love of my life because of stress or emotional overwhelm I was going through. Studies from the American Psychological Association show that 50% of people with anxiety or depression often push loved ones away. Learning to manage those feelings through mindfulness, meditation, or relaxation techniques can help you avoid impulsively distancing yourself.
Low self-worth often plays a major role in pushing people away. To fix it, invest in self-care, self-improvement, emotional growth, and activities that make you feel more confident. Take up a hobby, set personal goals, celebrate small victories, read self-help books, attend workshops, or explore resources like podcasts on love and relationships.
When playing hard to get backfires—recognizing the signs
Playing hard to get might seem like a fun game at first, but it can easily backfire. How can you tell when your strategy makes someone feeling pushed away in a relationship rather than drawing them closer? Here are the signs to look out for:
When the person you’re interested in stops reaching out as much as before, it could be a sign that playing hard to get has turned them off. They might think you’re not interested.
If you notice your partner is getting more impatient or seems frustrated, they may feel like you’re playing games. At some point, they might give up trying altogether.
Don’t push away someone who loves you, because after a while he or she starts to pull back emotionally, and you may never be able to restore that spiritual connection. This can be a direct result of your attempts to play hard to get.
A major red flag is when your partner starts seeing other people. If they don’t feel wanted, they might look elsewhere for the attention and connection they’re missing.
When people push you away—what should I do?
Being pushed away by someone you love can feel hurtful and confusing, but it’s important to stay calm and not take it personally right away. Often, the person might be dealing with their own emotional struggles, fears, or insecurities that have little to do with you. The best approach is to give them space while letting them know you’re there for them. Be patient and open to talking when they’re ready. Instead of pushing back or chasing them, focus on maintaining healthy boundaries. Sometimes, giving people time to sort through their feelings leads to a more meaningful connection later on.
Balance between independence and pushing people away
So, why do I want love but push it away you ask? Being independent is great, but try to find a balance between maintaining your independence and allowing someone into your life. Here are a few steps:
To conclude, it’s easy to play hard to get, thinking it’ll protect your heart, but in reality, love is about letting people in, not keeping them at arm’s length.
